Why Is My Libido Lower Than It Used to Be?
One of the most common concerns women/ gender-diverse people share is grief for the libido they once had. You may remember feeling spontaneous desire, excitement, curiosity or ease around sex, and now feel disconnected from that version of yourself.
This loss can feel confronting, confusing and deeply personal.
But libido is not meant to stay the same forever.
Libido Changes With Life Seasons
Your body at 25 is not the same body at 35, 45 or beyond. Libido naturally shifts with hormonal changes, stress exposure, cumulative nutrient depletion, life responsibilities, motherhood, career demands and emotional experiences.
Lower libido is often a response to long-term output without adequate recovery.
Chronic Stress and Burnout
Living in a constant state of “doing” has consequences. Many women are carrying invisible loads: mental planning, emotional labour, caretaking and high expectations of themselves.
Burnout depletes the very resources libido requires. When energy is scarce, the body prioritises survival, not pleasure.
Hormonal Transitions
Coming off hormonal contraception, perimenopause, postpartum changes and menstrual cycle shifts can all affect desire. These transitions are often poorly supported, leaving women/ people with vulva’s feeling confused and unsupported.
Low libido during these times is common, but not something you have to simply tolerate.
Nutrition and Energy Availability
Undereating, dieting or unstable blood sugar sends a signal of scarcity to the body. In response, reproductive and sexual functions are downregulated. Libido cannot thrive without sufficient fuel.
This is one of the most under-recognised contributors to low desire in women.
Emotional and Relational Factors
Libido often reflects how safe and supported you feel in your relationships, including your relationship with yourself. Resentment, people-pleasing, lack of boundaries and emotional disconnection quietly erode desire over time.
A Compassionate Reframe
Your libido hasn’t failed you. It has adapted to protect you.
With the right support, curiosity and care, desire can evolve and return, often in a more sustainable and embodied way than before.