How Common Are Orgasm Difficulties in Women/ People With Vulva’s?

If you’ve ever wondered whether you’re alone in struggling to orgasm, I want to start by offering reassurance: you are not.

Orgasm difficulties are far more common than most people realise, yet they are rarely spoken about openly. Many people carry shame, comparison or self-blame around their experiences, believing that pleasure should be effortless or automatic. This belief alone can create barriers to orgasm.

Orgasm Difficulties Are Widespread

Research consistently shows that a significant proportion of women/ people with vulva’s experience difficulties with orgasm at some point in their lives. This may include never having orgasmed, orgasming inconsistently, only orgasming through certain types of stimulation, or feeling disconnected from pleasure altogether.

Despite how common this is, orgasm difficulties are under-discussed, under-researched and often minimised in healthcare settings. As a result, many people assume their experience is abnormal when it is actually shared by many.

Why We Rarely Talk About It

Cultural narratives around sex often centre male pleasure and performance-based ideas of “success”. Orgasms are portrayed as quick, guaranteed and visually obvious, which creates unrealistic expectations for women and gender-diverse people.

When real experiences don’t match these narratives, people tend to internalise the difference as a personal failure rather than questioning the story they’ve been told.

Orgasm Is Not a Measure of Worth

One of the most important reframes I offer in clinic is this: orgasm is not a measure of how good you are at sex, how much you desire your partner, or how connected you are to your body.

Orgasm is a complex nervous system response influenced by many factors, including stress levels, hormones, safety, energy, emotional wellbeing and past experiences. Difficulty orgasming is not a character flaw, it’s information.

Pressure Makes Orgasm Harder

Many people don’t realise that the pressure to orgasm can actively block it. When orgasm becomes a goal rather than a by-product of pleasure, the nervous system shifts into performance mode.

Performance mode activates stress responses, which are the opposite of what orgasm requires.

A Compassionate Perspective

Instead of asking “What’s wrong with me?”, a more helpful question is “What might be getting in the way of pleasure right now?”

Orgasm difficulties are common, valid and workable. With education, curiosity and the right support, many people experience profound shifts in how they relate to pleasure, even if orgasm looks different than expected.